Archive for February, 2013

February 5, 2013


Teaching? No teaching? Try something new? Or become a vagabond? At this crux of my second year of teaching secondary science in a title 1 school, I find myself pontificating my options. This is job is a catalyst for stress, anxiety and fatigue. I really want to be the best, I just don’t have it in me. I find my passions squashed, my spirit trampled, and my desire to fight on and teach squelched. I know “they” say it gets better. “They” say the second year is the roughest. “They” say, but you’re so good at it. Yet, none of that matters anymore. Last year, I fought on for the kids. The process was much more selfless. And I got by, well 94% passing the TAKS with 88% commended is fantastic, especially considering I was a first year, an especially considering our district fell in the 40-50% pass rate overall. I decided after our summer “hiatus” (aka the workshops, seminars, meetings, sleep, and planning) that I could and would soldier on. This year brought on a tremendous weight gain that can only be attributed to stress, and the anxiety attacks followed. So I stand here thinking, what the heck am I doing. I know I can do a good job, but I am losing myself in this process of building up independent thinkers and creators. I find my mood lowered, and the fact it swings more than the pendulum in a grandfather clock is not ideal. I just cannot dream of doing it anymore. I’ve considered my options and realized that no matter the district, education nowadays is hard. I’m not sure I want to struggle in this way anymore.

So what to do?
Someday I want to build my own business. One where I can do my own crafts/sewing etc, sell the wares from around the world and local craftsmen/women, and etsy, and allow for those artisans to teach classes occasionally. Maybe even host Pinterest nights like these painting with a twist ladies do. I just need some contacts, business plans/savvy, and some investors. Great. This might take a while. I also want to turn real estate ( but that could be due to obsession with watching hgtv and DIY tv). Someday, I might start/finish a vet degree. But that is my bucket list so far…. Someday…..